Bella Shepard: Jackie's Diary
What is it with this boy Sonny? In just 24 hours, he’s gone from being my annoying debate partner at an annoying new school, to a would-be wannabe fighter, to showing up at my door with a freaking police officer. It’s like Attaway is conspiring to make my life miserable. Well, more miserable than before at least.
Mom’s in the hospital, maybe for two months this time, and I’m still out of her money. Cliff keeps saying he’s going to get it back for me, but how’s he gonna do that from a jail cell?! I don’t know why I keep getting pulled into these plans, but I just keep thinking it’s going to work. Doing the wrong thing just comes easily to me, I guess, in a way that school or friendships don’t. But is it really the wrong thing if you’re doing it for the right reasons?
The cops seem to think it is. This whole town just wants to get me in trouble. Get me down to a worse place than I was before. That principal trying to get inside my head, that awful prissy girl Adrienne, those cops arresting Cliff, that boy Sonny following me everywhere I go.
I gotta remind myself of the good things I have before I start getting myself down. I’ve got the boxing gym, and a job that gets me a little bit of cash. I’ve got Maria and all her tough love. I’ve got Cliff, at least in pictures and memories for now. And I’ve got Mom, when she’s doing okay, and at least she’s got me.
I try to remind myself of those things every day. Because if you don’t have anything good in life, you get stuck down below, in one of those dark holes of thinking that feels impossible. When you’re too far down, you don’t have the energy to get back up and fight.
And I promise I’ll always get up and fight.