Hey Harmony: My friend is a copycat...


REAL-LIFE-HEY-HARMONY-.jpg

Hey Harmony,

There is a girl in my school and she is a copycat. I don’t mind that she is copying me, but the thing is that I always show her clothes or shoes that I want for myself and then she buys them before me. Then, when I buy them, she tells the whole school that I am the copycat! The only reason she can get things before me is that I save money and buy things myself, but her parents buy everything for her. I need your help!

Sincerely,

The copycat’s friend


Hmmmm, let me think…


Harmony:

So when I was younger (like way younger, like a million years ago, definitely nothing recent), I wanted to be just like my older sister Rhyme. I would do anything to be just like her: dress in the same styles, sign up for dance lessons, even hang out with her friends. Rhyme would get mad at me about it sometimes, but I never understood why. After all, I felt like copying her was a compliment!

Here’s the thing: it sounds like your “copycat” friend isn’t exactly a copycat. In fact, she’s more of an admirer, so let’s call her that. They say that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" (okay, fine, I read that on a candy wrapper), and I think in this case, it’s actually true.

It may seem like your friend has everything, but let's get deep - the truth is that you never know what struggles are going on beneath the surface. Maybe this admirer thinks you have an amazing fashion sense and wants to look more like you when she looks in the mirror. Maybe she’s struggling with self-confidence and wants to undermine you to make friends instead of reaching out in a healthy way. Maybe she looks at you and sees the person who has everything, particularly the independence you’ve developed in saving money for the things you want.

Here’s my best advice: talk to your admirer friend and ask her what’s going on in life. I mean the real questions, not just the superficial stuff (though sharing some style tips with her prob wouldn’t hurt!). If a real, honest conversation can’t help, then it’s time to set some boundaries. Tell her you need some space and that her actions are hurting your feelings, and you won’t be telling her about your cool fashion finds (or life updates) for now. Give her some space to find her own vibe, and her confidence will grow as you feel better in the process.

Don’t ever tell Rhyme this, but sometimes when I’m feeling a little insecure, I still look to her to show me the way. We’ve all got role models in life, and looks like your friend sees you that way. Consider yourself a trendsetter - now that’s something to copy!

Hugs, Harmony


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