Hey Harmony: How do I get over it?


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Hey Harmony,

I have a HUGE crush on this guy. He’s a year or two older, so he has way better (and older) options than me. I guess I’m just wondering if you have any advice on how to get over people? I just don’t want to get my hopes up about him.

Sincerely,

Hopelessly Crushing 


Hmmmm, let me think…


Harmony: 

Crushes. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em, right?! Sigh. If only love was as easy as you liking someone and that someone liking you right back. Instead, we find ourselves in love triangles, love quadrangles, love problems...I feel ya, it’s tough! 

First step: does this crush even know you exist? Outside of seeing you around, has he had the opportunity to get to know the cool, funny, amazing, beautiful person you (obviously) are? If the answer is no, and you want him to get to know you, then you have to put in the effort. Tell him a hilarious story, sit next to him in study hall or band practice or summer camp or wherever you see him, and try to connect over an interest you share: sports, music, Netflix, you name it. Remember, don’t change yourself in this process. You’re not trying to get him to like you, you’re trying to get him to know you.

What if you don’t feel comfortable approaching him, or you spend some time together and he decides you’re not a romantic interest? Now it’s time to work on getting over him. Getting over an ex is never easy, because the only true cure for a broken heart is time (Awww—I’m cute, I know). Take that time to immerse yourself in your hobbies, try something new (Crafting? Volunteering? Starting a YouTube channel?), and spend lots of time with your BFFs. Put yourself in situations where it’s easy to meet new friend-worthy and crush-worthy people: sports camp, school play auditions, or a neighborhood block party are great places to start. 

Here’s my final thought: whether your crush is crushing back or not, take some time to work on your own self-esteem. Older isn’t always better, and you can’t change your age, so don’t worry about that! If your crush wants to be with someone his age, trust that he’s making the right decision for him. Now, work on being proud of who you are and recognizing all the reasons you’re crush-worthy just the way you are. Consider what makes you an incredible, brilliant, fabulous, lovable human being—and go bring that self-confident girl into the world! I’m cheering you on.

Hugs, Harmony


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